The desire for intimacy is timeless. It begins when we are young and continues throughout our lives. Sex is only one part of intimacy, but the topic is taboo for many of us, especially as we age. It is not always easy for people, especially those in later life, to talk with a friend, a doctor or a therapist about sexual issues.
Many factors can affect your ability to have and enjoy sex: illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, or depression; side effects of medications; certain surgeries; and, changes in your relationship. Are the roles in your relationship in transition? Is one partner becoming more of a caretaker? Is memory loss or dementia a consideration?
Emotions also play a part. Any of us can struggle with body image as we grow older or have increased anxiety about sexual performance. In particular, men may worry about erectile dysfunction, which becomes more common as they age. How do concerns like these affect the quality of both partners’ sex lives?
There are ways to deal with these feelings if we look at them honestly, either making necessary changes in how we live or talking through problems with our partner, a doctor or a therapist. In this way, we may be able to erase barriers to intimacy, enabling a new closeness and a more satisfying sex life.
The National Institute on Aging is a great place for up-to-date information regarding aging and sexuality. Dr. Beatrice Ellis, a Seattle therapist will be holding a class on this topic in mid-May.
Despite what is often portrayed by the media, pleasurable sex doesn’t have to end at a certain age. An honest appraisal of our needs and open communication about them can make it possible to enjoy a healthy sex life at any age.
Aging Well: Sexuality and Intimacy for Older Adults is on Tuesday, May 19.
By Wendy Warman
Wendy Warman, LICSW is a co-coordinator for the Endless Opportunities program. She has worked for over 35 years with abused and neglected children and is proud to be a part of Jewish Family Service. She loves spending time with her family and her rescue dachshund.
