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During the past few years I have made an effort to reconnect with former students and old friends. Many common themes arose over the course of these conversations, including a topic rarely discussed in public Jewish spaces.
I have lost track of the number of times I’ve sat down with a friend, a former student, or a parent of a former student, and heard about their struggles with mental illness – either their own illness or the illness of a loved one. No age is exempt, from children in grade school to grandparents.
Though there are many forms and manifestations of this disease, the impact of mental illness is often the same. It is exceptionally challenging, often unremitting and turbulent, frequently invisible to others, enraging, isolating, excruciatingly difficult, and hard, if not impossible, to explain.
I hear these stories in confidence because, in addition to all the other pain, there is a weight of shame in our society around issues of mental health.
The Hebrew word for sin, chet, literally means “to miss the mark.” Our Yom Kippur liturgy includes a recitation of a long list of ways in which we have “missed the mark” as a community. By saying that “we” have missed the mark, we acknowledge our deep connection to each other.
And so, in response to many confidential and painfully honest conversations, I add to our communal list of ways in which we have “missed the mark.”
Source of Forgiveness, in Your Presence, we acknowledge that we have missed the mark:
We have missed the mark by not naming mental illness publicly and by allowing people in our community to suffer in silence.
We have missed the mark through denial, pretending that this disease strikes others and that we are immune.
We have missed the mark through hardening our hearts to those who struggle with mental illness.
We have missed the mark through condescension, judging rather than truly supporting.
We have missed the mark by not insisting that mental health treatments be fully covered in health insurance plans.
We have missed the mark through the idle chatter of trite advice when, in reality, silence and presence could be healing.
We have missed the mark when we rail in fury, blaming our bodies as well as the Creator of our bodies for being so fragile and vulnerable to disease – including diseases of the brain.
At other times, we have missed by mark by not crying out. In our fear, we don’t trust that there is a source of compassion – human or divine – with the capacity to hold our sorrow and rage, and so we hide our anguish. By lack of honesty, we distance ourselves from the Source of Compassion and from each other.
Now, as a community, let us begin to speak openly and honestly of mental illness. Let us declare that though we are vulnerable, we are willing to seek support and strength. Let us acknowledge the need for unconditional, nonjudgmental acceptance and love.
With open and yearning hearts, we say publicly, to each other as well as to the Source of Forgiveness: for all this, forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.
And finally, with humility and longing, we ask for the greatest gift of all. May the honesty and generosity of our open hearts lead to the glorious gift of healing.
By Beth Huppin
Beth is the Director of JFS Project Kavod/Dignity. She has enjoyed teaching Judaics to children and adults of all ages in both formal and informal settings for over 30 years. She is the recipient of a 2010 National Covenant Award for Excellence in Jewish Education. This post is adapted from a 2014 High Holiday address given at Congregation Beth Shalom.
