I came to JFS this past year because I was maxed out. Like many of us in the “sandwich generation,” I’m caring for a lot of people I love. I’m the caregiver for frail, elderly parents who are still living in their own home. My adult daughter moved back in with me and my spouse. I have a brother who requires some support. And, I have my own chronic disease to manage.
With all of this, I found myself having temper tantrums over small issues. Any common, everyday life item added to my plate became overwhelming. This feeling eroded my self-confidence, and as a result, I became anxious and negative. This pattern affected my relationships and almost every aspect of my life, including my job and my ability to manage my household.
For me, a series of individual counseling sessions in combination with caregiver support classes proved to be nothing short of life-saving and life-changing. My counselor Sheryl Begoun helped me to understand that it is not my burden to “make” other people happy. She gave me tools to support and sustain my own health, and these were reinforced by the class. My confidence and security are buoyed because Sheryl validated that I am doing a difficult job well.
I can have a tendency to expend energy on the “maybe” situations of life. My work with Sheryl helped reign in this habit. It helped me see that attempting to do “everything,” immediately and completely was not only unrealistic – it actually was self-sabotaging. Together with Sheryl, I discovered that listening – not fixing or repairing – is a powerful, supportive action in its own right.
Over the course of our sessions, Sheryl identified that, in addition to the current caregiving situation, my family and I had suffered past trauma. Sheryl was the first person to verbalize this out loud to me. She was the one to help me give myself permission to acknowledge it. As a result, I find I am more compassionate to and less judgmental of myself, my care receivers and my whole birth family.
I am so grateful for the help and expertise of the JFS team. I’m continuing sessions with Sheryl because I recognize that I need help in managing my life in a healthy way. She’s a guide as I continue to work on behaviors and attitudes that will help sustain me. In the meantime, I find that I can feel good about myself in just showing up. In being authentic. And, in doing what I feel good about…which is enough.
Written by Carol Grant
Carol Grant is physical therapist and lives in North Seattle. She is a member of Bet Alef Meditative Synagogue.
Learn more about Family Caregiver Support.
Feature photo courtesy of Bernard Goldbach.
