This poem from a Project DVORA client illustrates the challenges that many people face in their attempts to break free of the guilt, shame and feelings of isolation that permeate situations of trauma and abuse.
As a society, it is easy to say that we stand against domestic violence. Very few would endorse the stereotypical image of a man slapping a woman across the face. Much harder is supporting those in our personal lives who encounter fear, isolation and an overall imbalance of power in their relationships.
Our natural tendency is to change the subject to a more comfortable topic; to give her advice on what we would do in her situation; to wonder how she must be perpetuating the abuse; to speculate that ‘maybe she’s just crazy’; to caution her that she isn’t working hard enough to save the relationship.
This poem illustrates how we can, instead, tell our loved ones, our neighbors, our congregants, our acquaintances: I am here for you, no matter what you decide. You are not alone. You do not deserve this. These simple yet powerful statements can mean everything.
You Have No Idea
For those of you who turned their head
Afraid to see the truth
The years of suffering and pain
You have no idea…
For those of you who closed their eyes
Blocking the ugly, the “inconvenient” from your view
You have no idea…
For those of you who failed to listen to
The cries for help in the darkest of times
You have no idea…
For those who chose to judge
To shake their heads in silent gesture of disgust
Or pity
You have no idea…
For those who gave up on their sister, their friend
Who turned the volume way down low so as not to hear
You have no idea…
To those who found a reason not to care
To reach out when the need was deep
You have no idea…
Perhaps you never will.
Or perhaps, just for a moment
You find you can
A Picture emerges
Of you
Open-hearted
Daring to care
Calling your friend,
Your sister, your neighbor
Listening to her speak
Giving your time
Hearing her story
Helping her heal…
Picture yourself
Just for a moment
Letting down your guard
Allowing the tears
Accepting the sadness
Acknowledging her pain
Picture this
Seeing it happen
A transformation of heart
There before you
A new reality emerges
The mirror reveals
A helping friend
A loving brother
A caring sister
A Truth unfolds
You now have an idea
You finally “get” it
You understand and feel
Compassion
Empathy
And you are finally
Ready to help
And for those who already were there
Who leant a caring ear
During those times the hope was fading
Who gave a shoulder to cry on
Advice from the heart
Who offered your love, most precious gift of all
Thank you.
Domestic Violence Awareness Shabbat will be held at congregations around the Puget Sound region on Saturday, October 24.
Introduction by Liz Coleclough
Liz joined the JFS team this past summer. She is the Director of Project DVORA.
