Facts and Myths about Teen Suicide: Why Starting The Conversation is Critical (Part 2)

For Part 1 of this article, please click here.

Start the conversation

Two of the biggest misconceptions regarding suicide are that talking about depression increases depression, and that saying the word “suicide” out loud plants the idea of suicide in a person’s brain. “Sit down with your child. It’s starting up a conversation where you are not confronting them, instead talking in an open, kind way. As you get into the conversation, ask, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’ Suicide is a response to just not knowing how to deal with something going on in their life. You’re trying to confront that head on,” says Vicki Wagner, executive director of the Youth Suicide Prevention Program.

She notes that a struggling child feels relief once he says it out loud, and once someone says they care. “With depression and suicide ideation, you shut yourself off from lots of people, so it’s a relief to get some help.”

Invite your child to counseling in a fairly forceful way. Sue Eastgard, MSW, cofounder and director of training at Forefront says. “Say, ‘We will go as a family. It’s the family having the problem; it’s not your problem. We are all having trouble figuring out how to get through these years and this family needs some help learning how to communicate better. You are going to see this counselor three times, and if you don’t like it after that, we will try another counselor three times,’” she says.

When your teenager is in a hard place, it helps to find a therapist willing to converse with the parents about what’s going on (which means a signed release from the patient). “The parents’ tool kit comes not from a checklist on a website, but from a conversation between the parents, the therapist and the child sitting in same room. Ask what would be most supportive for your child right now,” Eastgard says.

Along with counseling, try to make school a supportive place. Think about who needs to know about your child’s situation and whether there can be leeway around schoolwork and tests for a period of time. Although Seattle Public Schools has middle school wellness centers and teen health centers in high schools, not all schools have staff members trained in the intricacies of dealing with depressed tweens and teens. Often at the high school level, the counselors are focused on academic counseling as opposed to mental health issues. This means parents need to advocate for their child at school.

It’s important to note that impulsivity plays a huge role in teens’ lives. “One study showed that [while adults] think for three days about suicide, a young adult thinks for a full day, and the average teen thinks less than eight hours before a suicide attempt. We know that a 15-year-old’s brain development means they have a harder time stepping back from challenges and visualizing safe paths and solutions with a long-range view,” says Mick Storck, M.D., associate professor, Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, University of Washington School of Medicine/Seattle Children’s Hospital.

Make a safe environment

Teens’ increased impulsivity is why it’s vital to think about access to guns and medications. More than one in three households in the U.S. have guns, and medicine cabinets often contain stockpiles of unused medicines. In Washington state, 78 percent of firearm deaths are suicides. “If we could think about reducing lethal means around medications and guns, we would be doing something about suicide prevention. We have control over these things: Lock up guns and medicine,” Eastgard says.

When parents are dealing with a depressed or anxious teen, it’s helpful to know that your role as their overall case manager and cheerleader matters. “It can feel overwhelming, but the biggest thing parents can do is really expect their child is going to get better and to help their child persist in treatment and ask for more if they are not. If kids can persist in treatment, kids do get better,” says Laura Richardson, M.D., MPH, an adolescent medicine specialist at Seattle Children’s.

From my own history as a teen with clinical depression, I know my parents’ persistence was the first critical step to getting better, and their daily support mattered immensely. I know how to ask for help from others when I need it now, and for that I thank my parents.

By Nancy Schatz Alton, courtesy of ParentMap.