Emotion Coaching is not just a parenting style. It is also a tool developed by John Gottman to help and teach our children to handle challenges and also a means of developing a relationship with our children based on trust and mutual respect. Emotion coaching helps parents guide their children through life’s ups and downs in a way that builds confidence, resilience and strong relationships. Developed by Dr. John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, this process helps children learn how emotions work and how to behave in healthy ways when their feelings are strong. It also teaches the skills that help children to thrive both socially and academically.
What Is An Emotion Coaching Parent?
Emotion Coaching parents have a strong awareness of their own emotions and the emotions of others. They recognize that all emotions serve a purpose and need to be expressed. They understand and accept that emotions are neither good nor bad, but that they are just normal! Gottman’s research has found that Emotion Coaching parents respond to lower intensity emotions before they escalate, guide their children through their experiences of emotions and help with problem solving.
The Result
Children who believe their feelings are important have good problem solving skills, high self-esteem and the ability to connect socially. They control and regulate their responses to a variety of experiences and stressors.
What Do Emotion Coaching Parents Do?
There are five steps to Gottman’s Emotion Coaching:
- Emotional awareness
- Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for connection and teaching
- Listen empathetically & validate your child’s feelings
- Help your child identify and label their emotions
- Set limits while helping your child to problem solve
By Melissa Benaroya
Melissa Benaroya, LICSW, has over 16 years of experience working with children and families and currently is a consultant, speaker and parent coach. She is co-founder of GROW Parenting, co-author of The Childproof Parent and founder of a 3700+ member web group. Melissa lives in the Seattle area with her husband and children and keeps her sanity with an active lifestyle of running and Crossfit!
Learn more about Melissa’s upcoming Emotion Coaching class at JFS, and read more from Melissa at GROW Parenting.
Feature photo courtesy of tuckett.
