My mom is in hospice care. We have not always gotten along, and I feel badly about things that I have said and done. She has never been willing to talk about our problems, and now she gets angry if I try to broach the subject.
Many of us struggle because of a troubled relationship with a parent. Pain accumulated over a lifetime can feel more acute or even compounded as a parent’s life comes to an end. Are there ways that the death and dying experience can help us find healing in our relationships?
A parent may need to deal with dying in the same way he or she has dealt with other difficult times in life. If the parent-child relationship has suffered from poor- or non-communication, might a mother or father be willing to listen when you are ready to speak?
If you have the opportunity to talk with your loved one, here are some things you might consider saying:
I love you.
I hope you will forgive me for anything I may have done to hurt you.
I forgive you for anything you did that hurt me.
I will miss you.
I will be okay.
Adapted from an article by Jane E. Relin in JFS Matters (Winter 2012).
